Sunday, November 12, 2006

21 Things College Has Taught Me

  1. Never take a class that starts before 9am.
  2. Friday classes are for nerds.
  3. By junior year, no one has not done drugs, gotten drunk, or had sex.
  4. At least 30% of your classmates have gone to class drunk or high.
  5. Everyone can use a cigarette, if you offer one.
  6. All papers are written, projects are done, and tests are studied for, over the course of one night.
  7. The hours between midnight and class the next day are plenty, plenty of time to get what needs to be done, done.
  8. Appointments to meet with advisors are totally non-mandatory.
  9. Do not try to fool the security guards. They can see that the friend you're sneaking in is holding up an ID for a totally different university. And when they ask to see it more up close, casually slipping your own ID to your friend will be noticed.
  10. Most professors google themselves on a regular basis and then talk about the results to the class.
  11. Some professors can't tell the difference between two Asian girls, even if one doesn't go to college in the first place.
  12. Some professors will stop class and force you to throw out your salad because it smells.
  13. Some professors will pay you to buy them candy, each class.
  14. Some professors will sleep with you if you ask.
  15. Some professors will try to seduce you because they feel like it.
  16. Everyone knows about the professors who have sex with their students, including the names of those students and what kind of STDs were transmitted between them.
  17. If you slip a "change of grade" form in your previous professor's mailbox, he might actually change your grade (if you're lucky).
  18. Everyone talks about you behind your back. And you, theirs.
  19. Going to art school automatically means you're on bad terms with the business school kids. And why not? What a bunch of losers.
  20. Going to art school is a bad decision for those who want financially stable careers. This is a fact that is unknown until senior year, when everyone else is taking the LSAT or the GMAT and we're left fiddling with cameras and scripts.
  21. No one else knows what the hell they're doing in college, nor what they're doing once they graduate.

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